With all of the Mother’s Day love flowing everywhere, we forget that not every mom is getting flowers and cards. Some mothers are hurting this year. Those women who have lost a child, or have a prodigal, are feeling the loss even more during this season.
I understand. I am that mom.
Not only have I lost children in miscarriage, but I also have a child who, at 18, ran away from home and didn’t speak to us for a long time. It was the most horrible, pain-filled experience of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. There were a few Mother’s Days in the recent past when I wanted to crawl under my covers and cry all day. In fact, that’s just what I did on my first Mother’s Day without my daughter.
If you are a hurting mother this Mother’s Day, I want you to know:
You are not alone.
There are many, many moms who feel the same way you do. They are hurting and feeling like failures. Their heads and hearts are spinning from the pain and confusion. It shouldn’t comfort us that other women suffer, but it does bring a measure of relief that we aren’t floating around on this enormous ocean of sadness by ourselves. We can lift each other up and offer support and love and acceptance.
You are still valuable.
There is a second, less talked about pain that comes from this kind of loss. The way people look at you and the whispering, “She’s the one who ____,” adds exponentially to the difficulty. It was a shock to me how many people took delight in my sorrow and thought I did something to deserve it. I hadn’t realized that I was surrounded by a junior high school environment until I got kicked when I was down. It is very difficult to recover from any kind of loss, no matter how your child is separated from you, but when you add social ridicule and childish behavior to that, it feels impossible.
But it is not impossible. You are not what they say you are and you can forgive those cruel people and move on with your life. You are just as valuable now as you have ever been and more. The wisdom you are gaining, the hard lessons you are learning, the healing you experience can shine through you like a beacon of light for Christ! You are worth more than rubies!
God sees you.
He understands the loss and pain of losing a child. God knows. He sees you and cares for you. He also knows that you will be ok, even when you don’t feel it. God is so amazing to comfort us in or time of mourning. Never hesitate to cry out to Him and give all of your sorrow to Him. Remember, you cannot lose your value because it is not tied up in what you do or how you parent or what anyone else thinks. Isn’t that wonderful?! He sees you, loves you, redeems you.
There is new joy!
Believe it or not mama, there will be joy again. It is a gift of the Holy Spirit and I am walking proof that joy comes in the morning. I have had the beautiful honor of sharing with hundreds (maybe thousands) of other hurting moms and I know to the bottom of my soul that joy is right there for you. It won’t be easy and it will come in waves at first, but you can feel a new kind of joy. This joy is deeper and richer than what you had before your grief. It is based on a kind of trust in God that you never knew you needed. It is a result of letting go. It will prepare you for times ahead and grow in you an unshakable faith that others can lean on when they go through hard times. Don’t let the joy escape. You are too beautiful to lose it!
So this Mother’s Day, while other moms are getting accolades and you are feeling small and sad, look up to the heavenly Father who gave you the wildflowers in the spring, a love letter in His Word and the sun to wake up to each morning. You are amazing….just the way you are!
If you’re feeling blue about a lost or wandering child, pick up the sweet little book, I Prayed for You, by Jean Fischer and read it to yourself. It will be a reminder that you gave this child to God and can trust Him to do what is best even when it hurts.
Are you hurting this Mother’s Day? How can we pray for you and support you through this difficult season?