We’re all aware it’s November and you know what that means… pilgrims, turkeys, and lots of talk about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always been a meaningful holiday for me, but the importance really sunk in when we started a family. As parents we knew we wanted to raise children who were grateful, children whose attitudes were a reflection of their heart. There’s a quote about attitude that always stops me in my tracks…

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.” – Charles R. Swindoll quote

I’m typically a glass half full kinda gal. But from time to time pessimism sneaks in… I get cynical… I complain. Just last week I was grumbling about having to balance the checkbook when I’m well aware we are blessed to have money to manage. My husband further whipped me back into shape when he kindly asked in a recent message, “When has your pessimism and cynicism ever changed anything?”

That’s so true… pessimism and cynicism never change anything. When has my bad attitude ever positively impacted anyone around me? When has my grumbling and fussing caused substantial change?

It causes me to wonder why do we spend so much time complaining when we have been stamped with Hope?

So how does this relate to our children? Our kids are bombarded with information… and we’re all aware a lot of the information isn’t positive, isn’t life-giving. Learning to express our gratitude, at times, takes intentionality. On a regular basis it seems more natural in our world to drift into an attitude of negativity rather then to push through to a heart of appreciation… of thankfulness.

Recently our church launched a #BetterDaysChallenge that our entire family decided to participate in. At the end of each day we think of three things we’re thankful for and share those with each other. Usually it happens at the dinner table or driving down the road, but I’ve been so happy with some of my children’s answers. They’re not just “copying” our answers, they’re being intentional to think about what they can appreciate around them. Sometimes that answers range from “recess” to “glad mom didn’t make us eat salad at dinner” but they’re choosing to look at life with an appreciation, with an attitude that will spur them into a heart of gratefulness. As a family we’re choosing not to follow the bad news of the world that’s publicized all around us but to focus on the Hope of Christ… even in the small things like “not eating salad.” One of the greatest gifts we might be able to give our children is helping them see the beauty of life, the blessings of their heavenly Father. Steering them in a direction where they find value in the small things and can handle disappointment with optimism and hope.

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Brandi is a wife to Pete and a mom to Jett, Gage, and Brewer. Her life is truly “Brandi & Boys.” Brandi has been a pastor’s wife for almost 15 years. She and her husband planted Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee in 2002. Brandi has a heart for women in ministry and co-leads a ministry for pastors’ wives at LeadingandLovingIt.com. Brandi loves to be organized, but hates to clean and ice cream is her favorite food.

I’m the only bit of estrogen in a testosterone filled home… well, unless you count our one year-old Brittany Spaniel, Millie. But let’s be honest, Millie chews on socks so I’m not sure she counts. Because of my sole-femaleness (is that a word?) my awareness of my role in helping shape my boys’ future is huge. I realize their interaction with me will help shape the type of woman they marry, how they communicate with their wife as well as what they’ll expect from the gal who steals their heart. Talk about pressure!

As a side note, when they were infants and not able to comprehend me fully I’d often whisper to them, “Never love another woman as much as you love your momma.” I know it was horrible, but they were wee little bundles and so cushiony and sweet that I wanted to imagine they’d be mine forever. Now that they’re bigger and getting closer to puberty every day I have no intention of creating co-dependent momma’s boys! In fact, we have regular conversations about what kind of girl they’d like to marry.

Personally, I’ve never been a great communicator, now don’t get me wrong… I can talk. But sometimes I don’t communicate as clearly as I’d like. It’s probably the biggest issue in my marriage. In fact, my husband recently said to me, “If you asked me what I was thinking instead of assuming you know based on my facial expressions you’d probably be surprised with my answer.” And to think I often pride myself on my mind-reading abilities!

Because I know communication can be a personal weakness I work hard to be intentional on my communication with each of our boys… what’s fascinating is how they all need to be communicated to in such different ways.

Take my oldest, Jett, for example. He loves being active. I get the most out of him when we’re throwing a football in the backyard, on a hike in the park or playing 9 holes of golf at a par 3 (unless I’m beating him then he seems to shut down ). The point being, I’m gonna get more out of Jett when we’re “doing” rather than sitting down and chatting on the couch.

Gage, on the other hand, was created for cuddling. If I sit down in the same room with him he’s immediately beside me, bodies pressed together. He’s most chatty about life during down time… when he sneaks into our bed in the morning, when I’m laying down with him at bedtime or when we’re just hanging on the couch looking at a book.

And Brewer, who will eternally be referred to as the “baby,” communicates best when I am focused solely on him. He likes eye-contact and affirmation he’s been heard. Frustration creeps in when he hears me answering him but sees I’m not looking at him. If he doesn’t get the affirmation he needs he’s like a broken record trying to make sure he’s been heard correctly… and if he doesn’t receive reciprocation he’ll shut down and head to his room to be alone.

The difference in their communication styles can keep a momma busy. But let’s be honest, there’s no one else I’d rather be figuring out!

Your turn… I’d love to hear what you’ve found to be the best form of communication to reach each of your children.

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Brandi is a wife to Pete and mom to Jett, Gage, and Brewer. Her life is truly “Brandi & Boys.” She is not trying for a 4th baby to “get a girl” as that is the question most asked of her. God has placed some amazing girls in her life she gets to love and influence. Brandi has been a pastor’s wife for almost 15 years. She and her husband planted Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee in 2002. Brandi has a heart for women in ministry and co-leads a ministry for pastors’ wives called “Leading and Loving It.” Brandi loves to be organized, but hates to clean. She is always up for trying a new recipe, especially if it’s a dessert. Reading is a favorite past time and she almost reads fiction. She adores the beach, Diet Dr. Pepper and ice cream is her favorite food.

School is back in session and I, for one, have found something that went missing this summer… something I need for pure survival… something that was hijacked by travel, pool dates, late nights and camping trips… routine! Hip hip hooray, there is now a somewhat organized method to our madness.

Oh yes, routine… some people find boredom in the fact that every Monday they have Mexican food or Wednesdays are for group Bible Study, but not me. No, instead of boredom I find comfort in structure. Routine is the peanut butter to my jelly, the ping to my pong, the normal to my crazy. And I think you get the point.

However, I’m sure we’ve all learned that even in routine and structure things are busy. There’s always a practice, a meeting, lessons, homework… the list could go on and on. We have one main boundary in our house when it comes to extracurricular activities. Each child (we have three boys) can choose one activity per season. Obviously, you can do the math so we’re still looking at three activities per season. It’s a personal boundary that works well for our family and so far we haven’t had to make any hard “choices” between activities (however, I’m fairly sure that day will come).

Now, our boundary sounds easy enough, one activity per child per season, but I’m the first to say that this boundary hasn’t come without it’s challenges. See, our three boys look a lot alike. They are blonde-haired, blue-eyed stair steps. While they are fiercely different in many way, as brothers they also have a fair number of similarities. They’re often confused in public by people who don’t know us super-well and most people assume since they look alike, their personalities must also be cookie cutter. But as Christians, we all understand the blessing of being uniquely created as God’s child… and as a mom I’m commanded to nurture that uniqueness in each child. I don’t want my younger boys to only follow in the footsteps of their older brother. I want each of my children to understand who God uniquely created them to be. I want them to find their own passions and desires.

For instance, my oldest son is obsessed with anything sports related, especially football and baseball. Our middle son, Gage, really isn’t quite as interested in sports… he tried baseball (because, as he said, “Jett plays baseball”) and it wasn’t a great fit; he thought soccer looked boring, and he believes football games are scheduled so he can meet his friends to play with behind the stands. But about 9 months ago he approached us saying that he’d like to try karate, a hobby no one in our family is interested in… and we let him try it. He has flourished under the instruction of a kind yet disciplined South Korean Tae Kwon Do instructor. He’s found a niche that speaks to him individually and also allows him to flourish as part of a group.

Gage recently told me he loved that God let him be the middle boy in our family and then he repeated something his Dad and I have said to him many times over the years… “I’m the only boy in our family who gets to be a big brother and a little brother at the same time. Jett is only a big brother and Brewer is only a little brother, but I get to do both.” A definite sign he’s starting to embrace his uniqueness.

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Brandi is a wife to Pete and mom to Jett, Gage, and Brewer. Her life is truly “Brandi & Boys.” She is not trying for a 4th baby to “get a girl” as that is the question most asked of her. God has placed some amazing girls in her life she gets to love and influence. Brandi has been a pastor’s wife for almost 15 years. She and her husband planted Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee in 2002. Brandi has a heart for women in ministry and co-leads a ministry for pastors’ wives called “Leading and Loving It.” Brandi loves to be organized, but hates to clean. She is always up for trying a new recipe, especially if it’s a dessert. Reading is a favorite past time and she almost reads fiction. She adores the beach, Diet Dr. Pepper and ice cream is her favorite food.

“Boys, toys and noise” is often the motto at our house. Our 14 year marriage has been blessed with three blonde haired, blue-eyed boys (ages 10, 7, and 5) who look like stair steps when they’re all together. I never expected to be a mom of three boys. Honestly, I had a great relationship with my mother and thought I’d be able to repeat that relationship with a daughter… but God had other plans and now I couldn’t imagine life any other way.

Brandi Wilson and her family

I love having them home in the summer with a more relaxed routine. But I’ll be the first to tell you that I usually spend the first two week of school each fall crying because they’re back to school and I’m thinking, “What am I gonna do WITHOUT them.” And then I whiplash and spend the first two weeks of summer crying as I think “What am I gonna do WITH them.”

See, I go into every summer imagining our plate as empty… it’s summer break after all. We’re about four days in when I realize that I won’t have a free moment until mid-September. We pack our summers full of fun: camping, the beach, swimming, kid-chosen camps, play dates and relaxed bedtimes.

My husband, Pete, is a pastor in Nashville of a church we planted 8 years ago. We love what we do for a living… and that’s not just something we say to be a good pastor’s family; we really mean it. But sometimes life can move at a breakneck pace. During the school year we protect Friday evenings and Saturdays for specific family time. But when summer arrives, we focus on large hunks of time spent together.

Recently we spent 7 days just Team Wilson (sports analogies work great when you have boys)… literally just the 5 of us. Not even a single phone call. My husband and I both received advice early on in our parenting that no matter what you believe about how best to express love, your small children will always spell love T-I-M-E.

Our oldest son, Jett, affirmed our belief in the importance of time two years ago. We were on the seven hour drive to the beach and had just hit the Florida/Alabama state line, actually a town un-creatively named Florala, when Jett claimed he could smell the ocean air. His actual comment began with a huge inhaled breath followed by the words “I smell our family paradise.” Pete and I glanced at each other and smiled. It’s not about the beach (well, maybe a little) and it’s not about the relaxed vacation rules, we knew to Jett it was about our time spent together with no distractions.

We cherish our family time, well, maybe not the time spent bickering in the backseat of our minivan, but we obviously put a high value on together time in our family. The last few weeks of summer break will be spent squeezing in as many family moments as we can. And at night we’ll tuck in three tuckered-out little boys with dirty fingernails, sweaty brows and smiles on their lips and considering our day TIME well spent.

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Brandi is a wife to Pete and mom to Jett, Gage, and Brewer. Her life is truly “Brandi & Boys.” She is not trying for a 4th baby to “get a girl” as that is the question most asked of her. God has placed some amazing girls in her life she gets to love and influence. Brandi has been a pastor’s wife for almost 15 years. She and her husband planted Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee in 2002. Brandi has a heart for women in ministry and co-leads a ministry for pastors’ wives called “Leading and Loving It.” Brandi loves to be organized, but hates to clean. She is always up for trying a new recipe, especially if it’s a dessert. Reading is a favorite past time and she almost reads fiction. She adores the beach, Diet Dr. Pepper and ice cream is her favorite food.