Allowing Your Children Independence

One of the most difficult things for me as a mom to do is to let go and allow my children to declare their independence. While I know God gave me children to raise, teach, love and then let go to the world – I didn’t anticipate having to let go so soon.

In my mind, I would raise these 4 kids and each would graduate high school and either go to college or maybe stick around the house for a few years while figuring out life. Then off to be their independent selves they would go. Of course they would come home and need a room for a few months here and there. Lord knows we will get calls pleading for money or asking to co-sign on loans. This all may very well go on the rest of our lives (especially with 4 kids!), but for the most part once they are over a certain age – they would be independent. I thought I would have all of these years while they were in school to groom them for their independence. What I didn’t anticipate was having to give our children independence early in life.

Independence for our first born started as soon as she could crawl. No matter how closely I watched her, she was on the go in the direction SHE wanted. What I wanted for her didn’t matter. The last 9 years since her birth our daughter has followed the path that she creates for herself – not the path that we paved for her. While I would love to say that I can accept this – it’s a daily struggle. (For example the 5 hair bows that she chooses to wear in her hair, or the 1 baby leg warmer scrunched on 1 foot – I KNOW, she is taking after me in my wild days, but come on!).

Fortunately, our second born was not so quick to declare independence. It took him a while to see that there is a world outside of our home. The last year, he has started to spread his wings and explore. Thankfully his independence doesn’t include outrageous outfits.

I never thought I’d be a helicopter mom who hovers. My initial instinct is to direct every move my kids make to ensure that they make the right choices. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Each child will declare his independence at a different age and as much as I hate it – it’s something that this mom just has to accept.

I see lots of prayer in the coming years. Thankfully we have a BIG God who can help us survive our parenting woahs.

Do You Have Problems Giving Your Children Space to Be Independent?

If you have a little girl in your life, make sure to check out the Gigi, God’s Little Princess series. Gigi will subtly teach girls of their importance and belonging to the King of all kings.


Who is Molly Thornberg? Molly is someone who loves God, her fabulous husband and their 4 kids. Texas is her home, but she totally hates the heat. After years of being a working mom, she retired that season of life for a new season as a work-at-home mom. This new season can best be described as purposeful insanity. Her days include lots of coffee and kid chasing, and her nights are spent blogging. Molly is the creator of Digital Mom Blog, a site dedicated to moms and technology. She also blogs parenting for Babble. Follow her digital life on Twitter at @DigitalMolly.